I’ve spent the past three years dating as a single mom – including a year-long relationship—and let me tell you something: there is no better time than to date than as a single mom. When I was dating in my twenties, I was looking for a husband with a healthy set of testicles with which to sire children. You survived that, and not only are you better for it – you’re sexier for it. Age and childbearing has allowed you to enjoy your body for all it has to offer. When I met my husband in my mid-twenties, I was still struggling to make my way professionally. When we do have time for boyfriends, we make the very most of it. There is less temptation to piddle away hours waiting on losers to commit just because you’re lonely (you will end up selling your engagement ring anyway with those guys). I can check that off my life to-do list and look for a man for love or companionship or sex – or all three. Whether the single part was by way of divorce, breakup, death or choice, it was a big deal, and that changed you. I have lunches to make and doctor appointments to schedule. Busy single moms have fewer lonely nights to fill, fewer dinners eaten alone.Through my circle of friends and single moms I meet through this blog, I often hear cries of horror about the thought of single mom dating. What man in his right mind would date someone with so much baggage? People are attracted to these single-mom qualities in a real, meaningful way. Now, I have reached many milestones in my career, relationships, and inner life. My single-mom body is a wreck and I haven’t been on a date in 15 years! Confidence, a full heart, and life experience all equals being a richer, fuller person. My longest friendships were still forming, and I was still figuring out what was most important to me. Women with kids have a whole lot of responsibilities. Time is precious, and efficient moms know that the best way to spend time with a man is truly enjoying a really, really great one. I am also far less critical of other people, including men. 3) You’ve faced the reason-defying triumphs that are required of single motherhood.
“If you have no arms To hold your crying child but your own arms And no legs but your own to run the stairs one more time To fetch what was forgotten I bow to you If you have no vehicle To tote your wee one but the wheels that you drive And no one else to worry, “Is my baby okay?In a piece written for Gingerbread, published today, she said: “My overriding memory of that time is the slowly evaporating sense of self-esteem, not because I was filing or typing – there was dignity in earning money, however I was doing it – but because it was slowly dawning on me that I was now defined, in the eyes of many, by something I had never chosen.“I was a Single Parent, and a Single Parent On Benefits to boot.I’m 43, and my whole life, the thing I wanted most in the world was to fall in love — the stay-up-talking-about-everything-and-anything, close-down-the-bar, always-know-you’re-in-my-corner kind of love, but it just hasn’t ever happened. I was married for ten years to a good person who tried very hard to be a good husband. I loved him in large part because I felt like he was the kind of guy I should marry. I made elaborate dinners and sewed curtains and kept track of appointments.And I followed his career at the expense of my own in a tough cross-country move.Rowling, who separated from her daughter’s father 20 years ago, said her belief that she would immediately find paid work was a “much bigger delusion” than believing she could write a children’s novel.