While it’s impossible to gauge in advance whether any couple will actually make it ‘til death do they part, there are some compatibility factors that offer insight as to whether they’ve got a fighting chance. Often the opposites attract rule comes into play between these two archetypes.While you probably can’t straight out ask your partner whether or not he or she is physically or verbally abusive, a cheater, or an addict—all of which rank among the most popular reasons for splitsville—you can and should sit down and ask each other the following questions. There is no reason to get married or seriously invest in one another if you don’t see eye-to-eye on this matter — unless you’re willing to be swayed. Surely you’ll come up with a more personalized, delicate way to broach this subject, but whatever the case, you must learn the financial standing of the person you’re getting serious with. Because as a married couple, their debt will quickly become your debt. But if you’re idea of a wise investment is tucking away your extra cash for retirement while your mate’s features trips to Vegas and sports cars, you’re destined to clash. While you probably know basics, you might like to know how much your partner is expecting the church, synagogue, mosque, or other to play a part in your lives, as well as your children’s lives should you have them. Would you be willing to go to therapy or counseling if we needed it?If one of you eschews organized religion and the other wishes they could attend orthodox services more often, you’re likely going to hit major roadblocks later on.Talk about these differences and determine if your differing faith systems are compatible with one another. Positive feedback on the relationship from family and friends can help give you the green light in moving forward. Question to ask yourself before committing: Do we share the same views on monogamy, marriage and children?
That’s why it’s really important to know whether your partner would be open to learning more about him or herself and getting help through a couples therapist, if it ever becomes necessary. While there’s no one right definition of a great sex life, there is definitely a wrong one—and that’s two people who have opposing views and desires. Some people want lots of independence, others crave constant companionship.I noticed myself nodding in recognition as I ticked off the kinds of issues that clients I have seen as a therapist for the past three decades have presented in our sessions.They range from not knowing the person in the mirror well enough to being disillusioned by the person on the other side of the bed.How are you supposed to lasso that magical unicorn before it flies away?With Valentines Day coming upon us, I’ve updated this earlier post to make it fifteen needed questions you need to ask you and your dating relationship. And you’re excited to see where the relationship might lead.