Now, you might ask me “Mel, why were you choosing this type of man over and over?’ This, my friend, is a very good question and a topic for another blog.Experiencing these types of responses to someone you like is common — it’s a result of the feel-good hormones your body produces when you’re attracted to someone.These are also signs that you have a crush: There’s a big difference between infatuation (having a crush) and falling in love. As a couple, we've traveled around Southeast Asia, gone to music festivals, and lived life like every other 20-something — we just happen to be in a relationship. Since we've been together, I've studied abroad, lived alone, and still go out and have fun with my girlfriends.Crushes can be exhausting, make you jealous and don’t often last very long. A crush can develop into love as two people build trust and get to know each other really well. It means caring deeply and feeling strongly about another person and accepting them for who they are.It can be complex because the experience of love can be different for everyone.
But society told me I had to be with one person at a time, with the goal of choosing one person forever. After a really great, long-term, successfully monogamous relationship ended, I was suddenly single in my late twenties and enjoying the freedom and the variety. Adam was fun and our chemistry was fantastic and rare, and though we kept it strictly physical, with those boundaries clearly defined throughout, spending time together was becoming the highlight.Maybe, you see your crush and your mind goes blank.Or, perhaps you blush, can’t speak or start talking too much.When I was single I went through a two year spate of dating commitment-phobes. This was a frustrating and really draining time in my life (especially because most of the men I chose also lived interstate). I invested in several fruitless relationships with men who were avoidant, emotionally unavailable, inconsistent and generally noncommittal.Many of my clients lament their stories of getting to the second stage of dating, only to have the romantic rug pulled out from under them.